I had planned on posting on Tuesday about pronouns but then life happened and I ended up writing this instead. I’d planned out my post and even found some resources to use but it didn’t go as planned (I will add a brief post about pronouns very soon as long as my regular post next week. Enjoy.)
Ever since I started asking my friends to use my preferred name I’ve had three responses.
1. “It won’t be easy but I’ll try, please correct me if I get it wrong”
2. “It’s going to be hard to go from Nicole to Jay, can I call you Nick for a while?”
And lastly,
3. “I’ve always known you as Nicole and you’ll always be Nicole to me”
This is something I’ve prepared to post to my Facebook addressing those people who respond with that last one and I’m sure someone here will benefit from seeing this. (It’s probably too long but I doubt the people I want to see it will read it in full regardless of how long it is)
This is something I’d hoped to never have to say, but although the general response to me asking everyone to refer to me as Jay has been fairly accepting I have had a number of people say something along the lines of “I’ve always known you as Nicole and you will always be Nicole to me”
To those people I have something to say. (If you at least try to call me Jay or we’ve talked and I consented to you calling me Nick or Nicky then this doesn’t include you).
Believe me when I say I get that changing how you think about someone is hard. But I’d like you to take a moment to see things from my perspective. I spent the majority of my life trying to fit into the label that was placed upon me. I knew I was considered female but I never FELT female. At the time I didn’t have the words to express the feeling and so I just played the part, you know “fake it until you make it” but I never really did feel comfortable in who I was supposed to be (I don’t mean I didn’t fit the stereotype, because I do enjoy femininity occasionally).
I’d heard about people who transitioned from male to female and vice versa but I wasn’t male either.
I didn’t realise it until I began talking to a few trans* people that there are more then the two binary genders and the uncomfortable feeling was social dysphoria (the anxiety caused by being treated a certain way because one is perceived as something they are not).
It’s been a while since making the realisation that I don’t fit into the gender binary and I’m only just trying to be socially accepted as genderfluid. Also the reason this account exists separate to my “main” (albeit less used) Facebook account is because I wanted to start off by telling my closest and most trusted friends before revealing my gender identity to everyone.
I guess my point is I was labeled as something I’m not for nearly 20 years and now that I know what to call myself I’m trying to change my labels. So yes, you met me as Nicole but that doesn’t fit me, it never did.
Yes it’s hard to change how you see someone but it’s also hard to trust someone with this information only to be told that my wishes aren’t respected because it’s a slight inconvenience to try to call me Jay. Imagine how I feel being told my identity is invalid?
P.S. If you made it this far I love you, and you are awesome. Just please try okay? For me?
The Enby Diaries 
Good luck, Jay.
Thanks 🙂
Mostly good responses but there’s always one or two negative people. I’ll update in my next post
-Jay
I’m finding my little sisters are having the hardest time, because they tend to call me by my full (legal) name rather than my chosen (shortened) name.